my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
