The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
