you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
