Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
