some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
