am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
