I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
