Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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