I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
