Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
