Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
