yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
