Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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