That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
