so that wasnt chicken after all
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize