The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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