I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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