Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
