I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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