it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
