he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
