K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
