grandma shit on top of the toilet
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
