if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Shame - the story of my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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