did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
