What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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