I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
