paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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