You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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