i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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