Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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