I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
