the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
