i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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