Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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