with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My dad just said "fuck circus"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
