i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
