youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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