I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my poor anus
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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