**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
