Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize