had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
