He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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