you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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