i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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