Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I will die if light touches me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
