he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize