ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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