I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
