i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
