so that wasnt chicken after all
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize