Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
