he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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