I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
