ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
