Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
