My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize