i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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