She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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