my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I FOUND THE LEGS
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
