I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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