Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
