somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
