feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
