so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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