They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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