Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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