I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize