Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
