Christians are straight up FREAKS
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
