You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
