so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize