somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
