Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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