Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
