hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize