Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
