Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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