Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
