Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
