Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
