he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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