i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
