Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize