Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
