i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
