you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
