everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize