You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
