yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
