Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
