This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if only i could text you this smell
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
