So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
