are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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